Saturday, January 10, 2015

Mother to Mother: An Open Letter to My Husband's Birth Mom

Dear Birth Mom,

You or someone you know left your beautiful, healthy baby boy in a phone booth at 7-Eleven on Metropolitan Ave. in Kansas City, KS, sometime before 9 a.m. on June 7, 1972 - presumably after giving birth to him up to 12 hours earlier on June 6, 1972.
Here's your baby at 2 years old. Adorable, right?

(Story here: Abandoned 42 years ago, man takes adoption search to social media: How you can help him find his birth family)

That baby you had grew up to become my husband, and because of that, you and me? We've got some things to discuss.

See, I'm the mother to your grandchildren, the ones you've never even met and probably don't know exist. They are both strong and smart and amazing, by the way - good genes, right?

Before we go on, I want you to read this quote I just found, because it very much sums up how we feel about you and what you did for Bill - we are so grateful!
"Adoption isn't a birth mother's rejection but an unconditional love that inspires her to put herself last and do all she can for her baby.” - Mary Hines

My husband was adopted by an amazing family called the Atkinsons who have been nothing but loving and wonderful for his entire life - he can't complain about his beautiful, storybook childhood (outside of the fact that his dad died when he was 12 and his whole life forever changed - his mom was pretty awesome and he never knew that she struggled at all).

He weighed just under 6 pounds when he was found, and he had blue eyes and probably not a whole bunch of hair. We've never seen newborn pics, but based on the two babies we've had together who look so much like him, I'm guessing he had a little bit of blonde fuzz for hair around then.

If you're the mother (or father, or other interested relative) of this adoptee, my husband Bill, you should know some things.

First, we are not out to disturb your life, and we'll keep your secret if that is what you want. We are not trying to "find a new family," though we're not opposed to keeping the lines of communication open and possibly forming some relationships, if you want that.

But if you don't want that, please, understand that we won't push anything, ever.

I can imagine how scared you must have felt to do what you did. I know you were holding an amazingly gorgeous child in your arms, and I know you didn't want him to be hurt because you made sure he was found fast. I am pretty sure you may even have called the "abandoned" baby into the police station yourself, though I could be wrong.

I do know it was a woman who called it into the station and that the police never spoke to her (according to what I've learned up to this point). Maybe it was your mom, or your friend, or your big sister? Maybe you were told your baby died or that he'd been taken somewhere else.

I don't know, and honestly, it doesn't matter. I think you probably did what you had to do at that moment in your life, and I hope that you think about that baby on the regular - because I promise you, he's thinking of you - and for the last almost 15 years, I think about you too.

As the mother of your grandkids and the wife of your son, I want to meet you. I want to know your story, and I want to look into your eyes and let you know that EVERYTHING IS OKAY NOW! We are happy and healthy, and we aren't out to settle any score or cause any drama in your world.

We just want information, and we'd like to have it before it's too late. See, Bill is 42 now, and his beloved (adoptive) mother passed away in December 2013.

We are not trying to replace her (it would be impossible - she was an amazing and beautiful woman, inside and out), but in our grief, we just realize that NONE of us are getting any younger, and basically, it's now or never.

I am asking you, MOTHER TO MOTHER, to please, please just reach out to us and tell us Bill's story - your story. Please help us understand what you were dealing with, and just allow my husband to have some closure, at the very least and some information.

My children are beautiful, and they don't look much like me. I'll bet you'd recognize the adorable dimples my daughter has or the curly hair they all sport. Maybe you've looked in the mirror or in the face of another one of your kids and seen those beautiful turquoise-blue eyes too?

Bill was born with a condition called amblyopia (also known as "lazy eye"), but it was corrected early in his life and he doesn't struggle with it today. Other than that, he is 100 percent healthy. He is smart, strong and a great dad.

We aren't in need of anything from you as far as money or significant time or anything else - we just want information and if that's all you can give, we will gladly take it and be on our way - we won't even ask to meet you if that's what you want (though, to be honest, we would absolutely treasure that opportunity, if it should present itself!).

Listen, I just need you to know that Bill doesn't hold any anger or hate for you in his heart. Mostly, he's curious, though I know it means a little more to him than he's letting on.

Please, if you're out there, or if you know someone who can help me figure this out, please reach out to me at angyatkinson (at) gmail (dot) com and let's put this mystery to bed. We will let you lead the way from there - maybe just allow us to ask a few questions via phone or email and if you want to leave it at that, we can do that.

Nothing But Love,

Angie, Your Son's Wife and Your Grandchildren's Mother